How Do We Honor Those in Authority When We Disagree?

There seems to be confusion about how to honor someone when you disagree. Some fear that disagreeing is the same as dishonoring a person. Others are so concerned with truth that pointing out every fault feels like honor because it allows the person to realign with what is right. As a result, one camp has stopped thinking, and the other has stopped loving. These two groups can no longer communicate because they are speaking two different languages.

Both camps hold part of the truth, but as is often the case, we tend to cling to the truth we prefer instead of seeking the needed balance. This post will take a look at honor, how people successfully disagreed with Jesus, and why this is an important skill in business.

What is Honor?

Honor is an expression of value and worth. Scripture tells us to honor our parents, government leaders, widows, the elderly, and—ultimately—everyone (Exodus 20:12, Romans 13:1-7, 1 Timothy 5:3-4, Leviticus 19:32, & Romans 12:10). Our actions should express the worth others have in our lives. Whether their worth comes from age, position, or simply being made in the image of God, every interaction should reflect the value they carry.

Nothing in this definition suggests we cannot disagree with those we honor. Unfortunately, in our tolerant society, disagreement is often viewed as confrontational. So how do we honor others when we disagree?

How Did People Disagree with Jesus Honorably?

Some may wonder why I don’t focus on how Jesus disagreed with others. That would certainly be useful, but most of us are not skilled at reading minds or pulling coins from fish. Instead, I find it fascinating that not only did some people disagree with Jesus, but they succeeded in getting Him to change His mind.

In Matthew 15:21-28, Jesus encounters a Canaanite woman who desperately wants Him to heal her daughter. Jesus is, uncharacteristically, rather blunt with her. He is focused on His mission to the Jews and appears to leave her without hope. Yet the woman respectfully questions His response, and Jesus rewards her persistence. She disagreed within the conversation while maintaining honor.

In John 2:1-11, Jesus’ mother asks Him to help at a wedding where the wine has run out. Jesus tells her it is not His time, but she simply instructs the servants to be ready for whatever He says. This sets the stage for His first miracle. Mary honors His decision while making space for Him to act differently if He chooses.

In Matthew 18:15-19, Jesus teaches how to handle sin within the Church. While not every disagreement involves sin, this passage shows additional ways to disagree honorably.

• Step one: go privately to the person.
• Step two: if needed, bring one or two others.
• Step three: bring it before the church.
• Step four: if they still refuse to listen, remove them from fellowship.

Each step allows room for repentance, but also creates space for the possibility that the accuser may be wrong.

Steps to Disagree Honorably:

1. Refrain from discussing the disagreement with anyone except those who are part of the problem or part of the solution.
2. Refrain from making the disagreement personal. Keep the discussion focused on actions or ideas, not the person’s identity.
3. Compliment generously. The person is valuable to God—handle with care and bathe the conversation in love.
4. Always leave room for reconciliation. Make this your primary goal.

When the person is in authority over you:

Before talking: Follow what they have requested. There are blessings in honoring their decisions and trusting God, who placed them in authority.

After talking: If they still disagree with you, continue to follow what they have requested (same rationale as above). If you still struggle with their decisions, you have two additional options:

1. Talk with their supervisor. This is not a time for blame but an opportunity to gain clarity and alignment. This step can burn bridges, so seek counsel from a trusted advisor first.
2. Look for a new job. People often avoid this step, but if decisions are being made that you cannot support, it may be a sign God is moving you elsewhere. My wife and I stayed two extra years with a company because we were not listening to God telling us it was time to leave.

Ways to Share New Ideas

In his book, The Purpose Driven Church, Rick Warren suggests that people who come to him with ideas that they think the church should be doing, are usually great people to lead those new ministries. For instance, someone who says that they are not doing enough for adoptive families would be given the green light to try to start that ministry. They have the passion for the issue so they would put the extra time needed to start the program.

If you are thinking possible new directions for your company maybe you can think of ways that you can work with your company to take this on. Google does a great job creating a culture where this mentality thrives. Leaving the company is often not the only solution, but it may be something you should be willing to consider. My wife and I stay two extra years with a company because we were not listening to God say it was time to leave.

Why is This an Important Skill for Business?

As a Christian in business, honor is essential. Honor in our society is a forgotten art—especially in the workplace. Many confuse honor with flattery or trying to gain favors. This comes from a mindset of “every man for himself.” But honor is not self-serving. It works in the opposite spirit of selfishness.

Honoring your boss and co-workers is honoring to God. It creates workplaces positioned for God’s blessing. It is an act of trust in the God who rewards what is done in private (Matthew 6:4, 6, and 18).

What are some practical things you have done to build honor in your workplace?