What Do I Get My Wife for Valentine’s Day?

Valentine’s Day can stir up a lot of pressure. There are flowers to buy, cards to choose, reservations to make, and the quiet fear of getting it wrong. Flowers, cards, dinners, etc. are all on the checklist for the big day. But what does she really want?

Before asking what to get your wife, it’s worth pausing to ask a deeper question. How can I love her well today?

What gift can I give my wife that tells her I love her?

“Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”
– John 15:13

I understand this is a big jump, but if I want to find out the right answer, it is where I have to go. Jesus is the ultimate example of love, and He laid down His life for us. And not only is it the example Jesus gave us, He has called us to do the same.

Scripture reminds us that love is not first about gestures, but about posture. “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25). That kind of love isn’t driven by obligation or expectation. It flows from presence, humility, and care.

Valentine’s Day is simply an invitation to practice that love in a tangible way.

“This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters. If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person? Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth” (1 John 3:16:18).

How do I lay down my life for my wife?

Brace yourself. Some of you may not be ready for this, but if a husband wants to lay down his life for wife, he needs to take away any obligations he has placed on her for the evening. For most men, we look at Valentine’s Day as a guarantee night of sex. If we want to truly love our wives, we need to remove the feeling that they need to pay us back for our gifts of love.

Love will also get us to deny ourselves and the need to fight back. There are times our wives say things that hurt and sometime they are untrue. If we love our wives, we would not attack back. We may address the comment peacefully, but we cannot force them to see things our way. This is one reason love is supernatural. The level God calls us to die to our self is only possible knowing that He thinks we are amazing, even when those around us may be in doubt.

What can I get my wife for Valentine’s Day?

So what does that leave as a gift? Each of our wives are different, so the actual gift will be different for each. But, here are some ways to find out what to do:

Ask her. She may not come out and tell you, so be creative in how you ask.

• “What would make you feel loved this Valentine’s Day?”
• “What is something that makes you happy?”
• “What is something that you like to do with me?”
• “If you had a day off, what would you like to do?”

Ask one of her friends. Women generally like to be pursued, so they may not give you an immediate answer. Have no fear, there are still options for you. Her friends may give you some good hints. Don’t ask what should I get my wife. Instead ask if she has mentioned to them anything lately she wanted to have or do. Often the best gifts are already hinted at in small conversations throughout the year.

Ask God. You may be surprised at this, but God likes us to have good marriages. What is something I can do this Valentine’s Day to make her feel special? Write down whatever He brings to mind. You can tweak it later as you figure out how to make it a reality.

Sometimes the answer will be practical. Other times it will be relational. Either way, listening to God shifts Valentine’s Day from pressure to partnership with Him.

What does any of this have to do with prayer?

Everything!!!

A Gentle Encouragement

If you’ve missed the mark in the past, let this be freeing. Valentine’s Day is not a test you either pass or fail. It’s an opportunity to grow. Love matures through humility, listening, and grace over time.

God is not asking you to be perfect. He’s inviting you to love as you are being loved.

So take a breath. Invite God into the moment. Love your wife with sincerity, patience, and joy. And trust that even small acts, when rooted in love, carry great weight in God’s eyes.

Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers. – 1 Peter 3:7

• Men, what are some gift suggestions you are doing to help your fellow man?
• Women, what are some gift suggestion you wish your husband will give to you?