I am often amazed how I seemingly lucked out in marriage. The things I most appreciate in my wife; I had no idea to look for them while I was dating. I knew I wanted a wife who would love Jesus, but I didn’t count on me getting a rockstar. Yes, I wanted a wife I thought was pretty, but I didn’t know she would keep getting prettier each year. When I think about it, I know that God set me up to get more than I could even ask or imagine. How did this happen?
I think there are two reasons: 1. Find the right person. 2. Allow them to become the right person. I will address these as two separate posts.
How do you find the right person?
There is no guarantee that you will ever make a right pick. This keeps many people from even wanting to get married. The real thing to keep in mind with regards to marriage is to trust God in the process. He created marriage and intends it to be a blessing to you. Marriage can be the most wonderful thing you ever do, but you will have to work at it. So, before even getting started, here are some things to pray through in order to find the right spouse.
1. Lord, help me to know myself and live out of who you created me to be.
This should be your first prayer because you cannot truly be one with your spouse if you are not living from who you are. Choose not to trick someone into liking you be becoming someone different than yourself. That’s a recipe for disaster. You want to find someone who loves you for who you are, and you can’t find that person if you are not willing to be yourself. Trust what God says about you. “All My works are wonderful!” You are amazing, and as people get to know the real you, you will find that one person choose to focus on your amazing qualities.
2. With Your help I will speak out for the things that are important to me.
There are things that are important to you. If you don’t communicate them, then you will always feel a bit let down. If you choose not to communicate them with a spouse you will create an environment of resentment and passive aggression. Not good qualities for a marriage. Learn to speak up for what you want. You don’t have to get everything you want, but by choosing not to speak you are denying others the opportunity to serve you. A good spouse will want to serve you.
3. Help me to find my passions and find ways to express them in my life.
People living from God-given passions are the most alive. If you can do this, people will be drawn to you because you will give life to them. I added the phrase “God-given” to the passions because if your passions are collecting ceramic dolls or knowing every Bruce Lee film it may not be God-given. God passions always revolve around other people or creating beauty. These passions ignite life.
4. Open my eyes to see the people you have given that create life in me.
Sometimes people get too focused on getting the spouse that they forget why they want to get married. The commitment to love and cherish implies allowing your spouse to be all God created them to be. Find people who do this for you. It will help know what it feels like and one of those people may end up to be that special someone.
5. Help me to be the person that will encourage and support the future spouse you have for me.
As you start to come alive, don’t forget that building into others also gives you life. Not only will a spouse be a support to you, but you will be that for them. Practice with people before you get married. Your future spouse will thank you.
6. Fill my future spouse with more of your love and presence. Give them dreams to encourage them about me.
One way to encourage and support your future spouse even now is to be praying for them. What is one thing you want them to know? Living from God’s love and presence is important to me. Maybe you have something different. Convince them of Your goodness. Increase their confidence that You are for them. The important thing to do here is to start cultivating a relationship with this person even now.
7. I want to know what it means to be a spouse of God.
I’d admit that I had no idea what being a spouse meant before being married. I learned through experience and trial and error. You can speed up this process by exploring what it mean to be married to God. We sing songs to Him on Sundays about be our lover; explore what this means. Becoming married to God doesn’t mean you will never have a normal wedding. Marriage was a gift not a punishment for not enjoying God enough. Growing closer to God will open you up to all of these other things. And you will find yourself prepared to receive that future spouse.
Don’t look for a spouse that will allow you to stay the same. Find someone who is strong and will turn you into a hero!!! – @brianjohnsonM